Christmas is over...

Christmas is over... I managed to make it through without being sad. I think that the booze and mountains of food kept me occupied enough that I did not have time to think about the fact that I am alone on Christmas again. Alone in the sense that I am not coupled up like everyone else in my family. I know, I know it was my choice to be single at Christmas this time but that still doesn't make it any easier.

So today, against my better judgement, I am going to venture into the jungle of retail. Wish me luck...

j.

0 comments Labels: | edit post

Personas

per·so·na

  • The role that one assumes or displays in public or society; one's public image or personality, as distinguished from the inner self.
  • a personal facade that one presents to the world

I have found myself consumed by blogs. I cannot stop hitting that little "next blog" button. I scroll through the multitude of pages thinking things like:

  • How did they do that? I want to do that.
  • This blog sucks. I hope mine never sucks.
  • Will I ever be able to write as eloquently?
  • Maybe I need a better theme. Or a topic.
  • I should really get back to work.

My purusal of blogs has led me to yet another interesting thought. Personas. I have wondered if the material presented is an accurate reflection of the person or is it just a product of a persona. People create an online persona that encompasses snipets of there physical and emotional being. Online you can be everything that you are not in your real life through your invented persona. All of those little personality flaws magically disappear. I suppose that means that in cyberland everyone is perfect. Wait...what about online dating? Uh oh I think that I have just opened up a can of worms.

I suppose that online dating sites (ex: lavalife) are in a category of their own. You may still create that perfect persona but your true colours will come through if and when you try to move the relationship to the real world. Maybe that is why I had such a horrible time when I first tried the online dating thing. The guys I talked to online seemed to be a good match and genuinely interested and then we met in person. One, maybe two, dates and that was it. So in light of this topic, it is possible that either one or both of us had created online persona. I think that as I gained experience in the realm of online dating sites that I learned to read between the lines of the profiles. I know this because the last relationship I had was with a man who presented only his true self from the very beginning. I think that he felt the same about me...

I like to think that I was not presenting only a persona. Not only do I not want to be intermittent, I also don't want to be just a manufactured persona...

j.



1 comments Labels: , | edit post

Dreams Die

Someone once said to me “Dreams die Jen.” Initially, this pessimistic outlook on life irritated me. What is the point of existence if you don’t have a goal or a dream to reach for? But then as I grew older and thought about those three little words I saw that they are realistic not pessimistic.

When I was a little girl I had dreams of being a ballerina. I wanted to be the next Karen Kain. I would join one of the big companies in Toronto or maybe even New York. I would dance the night away on the big stage and spend my days rehearsing or lunching at bistros with other dancers. As I matured I realized that I did not have the body or the discipline required to be a dancer.

My dream of being a dancer morphed into the dream of being an actress. I was not looking to be in movies per se but I thought Broadway was more my style. I loved being on the stage in front of all those people portraying characters that were so different from my real personality. I carried this dream with me throughout high school…of course I got sidetracked along the way with dreams of being a high-powered lawyer, a doctor and the owner of a bar (Cocktail staring Tom Cruise was one of my favorite movies).

When I applied to University the dream changed once again. I was going to take theatre but decided that was not very practical and decided that journalism would be a better option. I was going to be the next Barbara Walters…look out 20/20 here I come! And as my university days progressed I decided that I really didn’t want to be a journalist. So I ended up doing an English degree.

My point is that throughout my life I have had dreams and some of those dreams have died. But with the death of those dreams came the birth of new and improved dreams. Some may say that the dreams never really died but just evolved as I grew and matured. Either way, the dreams that you start out with as a child are not usually the ones that you carry through to adulthood. I have realized that my dreams die, evolve and are born anew. The important thing is that I have dreams…

j.

2 comments Labels: | edit post

Rollercoasters Revisted

Yes, I know roller coasters are invigorating and make life interesting, but sooner or later you have to get off the ride and stand on solid ground for awhile. you have to allow the spinning in your head to stop for a minute so you can evaluate how good the ride was or was not.

It is hard when you step off...part of you wants to just hop back on...strap yourself into the little cart and hit go. You know that it is best to stand on the ground for awhile but you can't help but wonder what you are missing.

j.

0 comments Labels: , , | edit post